XMen Holiday songs
by Pip the MiT Squeak
Summary: Some parodys on holiday songs, about XMen! Hooray! Rated T for the language in some of the songs nothing too bad though! Cyclops bashing in almost all the songs...two positive Cyclops songs to make up for it...
1. Gambit the Cajun

Disclaimer: I don't own Gambit, the X-Men, or Frosty the Snowman.

GAMBIT THE CAJUN

Sung to "Frosty the Snowman"

Created at lunch by my friend and me

Gambit the Cajun

Was a jolly happy soul

With his deck of cards

And his brown trench coat

And his metal bo-staff pole

Gambit the Cajun

Was a master thief they say

And the X-Men say that he got away

With everything he stole

There must have been some magic in that wily Southern charm

For when he tried to steal the loot

He tripped the silent alarm

Oh, Gambit the Cajun

Knew the cops were on their way

So he took the stuff

Saying "Life is rough"

And he went to save the day

YAY!

Let me know what you think about it…there's going to be a Wolverine one titled "Logan the Feral Canadian"…I need to finish getting the lyrics from my friend before I can post it though…


	2. Logan the Feral Canadian

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, got it?

Logan the Feral Canadian

Sung to Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Written by my friend, and I got her permission to post it

You know Nightcrawler and Phoenix and Angel and Gambit…

Rouge and Storm and Cyclops the faggot…

But do you recall

The most famous X-Man of all?

Logan the Feral Canadian,

Had a very shiny car.

And if you ever saw it,

You were probably near a bar.

All of the other X-Men

Wondered how he got his dames,

They thought he smoked too many cigars

To be in any team-based games.

Then one day at the mansion,

Gambit came to say…

"Logan with your claws so real,

Won't you help me loot n' steal?"

And that's how the X-Men found them,

At the prison in New York City.

But the inmates didn't really care,

'Cause they were both drunken S.O.B.s!

Drunken S.O.B.s!


	3. Do you see what i see

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-men or the "Do you hear what I hear" song…but I believe y'all are noticing a trend in the characters? ...my friend's favorite character is Logan, mine is Gambit. Scott is gay. Or so we believe… My friend says "HI!"

Do You See What I see?

Sung to the same song…

My friend helped me with a couple of the lines

Do you know what I know?

The X-Men went to pick a Christmas tree

Do you now what I know?  
Logan saw Scott and Jean under mistletoe

Now he's depressed

And doesn't want to be

Around happy kids and festivity

Logan won't help pick out the tree

Do you hear what I hear?

Two raised voices both have a Southern drawl.

Do you hear what I hear?

Rouge is crying as she walks from Gambit down the hall.

Now he's depressed

And doesn't want to be

Around happy kids and festivity

Gambit won't help pick out the tree.

"Do you see what I see?"

So said Logan to Gambit the thief.

"Do you see what I see?"

"Do you want to go blow up a Christmas wreath?" (Gambit said that)

"No! A bar, a bar

Its neon sign flashing

We can drink away the sorrows of our hearts.

We can walk it isn't very far."


	4. The Wolverine

Disclaimer: I don't own the Little Drummer Boy or the X-Men.

Oh, and when I said Scott is gay…he's okay in X-Men Evolution…otherwise he has a stick up his...anyways…we were at lunch singin' some X-Men Holiday songs, starting off with Gambit the Cajun, then we went on to Logan the Feral Canadian and we said the "and Cyclops the faggot" line, and someone was like "What? Cyclops is my favorite character!" oO…well, my friend and I knew Cyclops fans were out there somewhere, but we had never met one in real life. Anyways, we're like "… … …really? Well in Evolution he's okay." Then he said that Logan was just a hairy monkey…that's when my friend started going kinda bezerker…...yeah…

Oh and I was wondering…what the heck is a c2 group?

The Wolverine

Sung to The Little Drummer Boy

My friend wrote this one

I pop my claws for you, snikt-y snikt

Don' you dare flamin' move, snikt-y snikt

There's a lot o' flesh and bone to cut through, snikt-y snikt

Keep squirmin' and the pain will increase by two, snikt-y snikt,

Snikt-y snikt, snikt-y SNAKT,

This ain't your day bub, snikt-y snikt

You'll be dead before you can sue.

You think I belong in a cage, snikt-y snikt

When I'm on your ass in bezerker rage, snikt-y snikt

As you can see I ain't no sage, snikt-y snikt

Best be assumin' things because my age, snikt-y snikt,

Snikt-y snikt, snikt-y SNAKT,

Quit your useless cries, snikt-y snikt,

We're to the last stage…

You fall away from me, snikt-y snikt

Your eyes to dilated to see, snikt-y snikt

As an enemy you were struck down, snikt-y snikt

As any enemy you were struck down, snikt-y snikt,

Snikt-y snikt, snikt-y SNAKT,

How do I live this life I go thorugh, snikt-y snikt,

I'm the best at what I do.


	5. Here comes Professor X

Disclaimer: I don't own Here comes Santa Claus, or the X-Men

Question: I need a codename for a student that's a girl, and she has powers like Quicksilver…fast, hyper most of the time, tries to steal from Gambit, and they're buddies if y'all have any suggestions, I'll take them…

My friend mostly wrote this one…

Here Comes Professor X!

(Tune to "Here comes Santa Claus")

Here comes Professor X

Here comes Professor X

Wheeling down the hall

Storm is planting

Logan is shanking someone

for calling him "short" or "small"

Alarms are ringing

X-kids screaming

While in a danger room fight

Scott is gay

But that's ok

And magneto has a human race to smite

Here comes Professor X

Here comes Professor X

Wheeling down the hall

Gambit's flirting

Rouge is hurting

Ears with her southern drawl

Forge is tinkering

White Queen is bickering

As if anyone cared at all

We can't explain

Mutants are insane

But we love them till we bawl


	6. Iceman's songs!

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or the Snow Meiser song or What Child is this? ...however there are a couple of original characters in this. We got a request for an Iceman song, and we both wrote a different one…and yes to the C2 group thingy…my friend says that you can sign her as Seraph if you need to say who wrote the songs…

What Ice Is This?

(Sung to What Child is This?)

My friend wrote this one

What ice is this, that, laid to rest

On my floor, that has begun to melt?  
That makes me slip and slide about,

Perhaps from that man whose cold I felt?

This, this is Iceman,

Who wields the snow with his icy hand,

Haste, haste to watch him sculpt

That man, known as Iceman!

So see him chill, frost, and freeze,

Especially Pyro, he OWNS him,

The King cold, whose jokes never get old,

Notice all the girls fall for Him.

Beware, beware hot mutants,

This guy's a pretty cool student:

Brrr, Brrr, damn it's cold because of,

That man, known as the Iceman!

Okay, this was written by me, it's kind of a skit. Leah and Allison are two new mutants at Xavier's, and they haven't met all of the X-Men yet. It's Christmas time, and they come from a place where it didn't snow.

Iceman's song

(Sung to the Snow Meiser's song from "The Year Without a Santa Claus")

Leah: Awww… it's almost Christmas and it hasn't even snowed yet!

Allison: It never used to snow in Roseville…

Leah: Yeah, but this is New York, it's supposed to snow!

A random student: Why don't you ask Storm to make a snow storm?

Leah: …well…she's still kinda angry with us for asking if she celebrated Kwanzaa…

Iceman: shows up Never fear, Iceman's here!

Allison/Leah: …blink…who are you?

Iceman: ices up, starts putting ice/snow outside, sliding around on his ice slide thing as he sings

I'm Mr. White Christmas,

I'm Mr. Snow!

I'm Mr. Icicle,

I'm Mr. 10 below!

My codename is Iceman 'cuz

Whatever I touch

Turns to ice in my clutch!

I'm too much!

The other students: in a ring around him, all singing

He's Mr. White Christmas,

He's Mr. Snow!

He's Mr. Icicle,

He's Mr. 10 below!

His codename is Iceman 'cuz

Whatever he touches

Turns to ice in his clutch!

He's too much!

Leah/Allison: …kinda staring at everybody dancing and singing, Iceman is in the center, laughing…wtf?

the end!


	7. I saw Cyclops Kissing Emma frost

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-men or I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

We're trying to write a positive Cyclops song, we really are! We've got the first two lines…but I'm not sure when I'll put it up here…just letting y'all know…

I Saw Cyclops Kissing Emma Frost

(sung to I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus)

Sung by a Student

I saw Cyclops kissing Emma Frost

Underneath the X-Jet last night.

They didn't hear me gag

And retch into a paper bag

I couldn't get that image out of my mind

I called Cyclops a fag…

Then I thought of Phoenix kicking Cyclops' ass

And ditching him for Logan at last!

Oh, what a laugh it would have been

If Phoenix had only seen

Cyclops kissing Emma Frost last night!


	8. Brotherhood

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-men or Brotherhood…or Silent night

My friend wrote this one too…

Brotherhood

(Sung to tune of "Silent Night")

Brotherhood

of evil mutants

All is chaos

All in fright

X-men answer the call to fight

They rush to the battle site

Mutant civil war

Mutant civil war

Brotherhood

of evil mutants

Humans quake at the site

Round yon Magnus

Awe at his might

See his anger, contempt, and spite

Run and scream for help

Run and scream for help


	9. Professor X is returning to the Mansion

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men or Santa Claus is coming to Town

Storm is telling this to two students at the X-Mansion because they're always goofing off…

Professor X is returning to the Mansion!

(Tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town")

You better watch out

You better not cry

Better not pout I'm tellin' you why

Professor X is returning to the Mansion!

He's using Cerebro

Mentally bound

Gonna find out if you're screwing around

Professor X is returning to the Mansion!

He sees you when you're sleeping

He knows when you are bad

Don't go in the danger room alone

Or he'll give you a "brain-frag"!

(Frag gamer word for killing someone on a 1st person shooter)

Oh!

You better watch out

You better not cry

Better not pout I'm telling you why

Professor X is returning to the mansion!


	10. Cyclops is the Leader of the XMen

Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the characters, got it?

Here's the positive Cyclops song. It took me a really long time to write. I had trouble thinking of positive things to say about him…

Cyclops is the Leader of the X-men

(Have yourself a merry little Christmas)

Cyclops is the leader of the X-Men

He calls all the shots

Jean and Emma Frost

Both love him a lot

Cyclops is fearless in battle

He leads the X-Men well

He can run and jump

And shoot his beams with skill

He is one of the old X-Men

First to lead the team

And join

He's made friends

And some enemies

Happy memories with all

Cyclops is the leader of the X-Men

He commands them all

With his plans the X-Men will never fall

Remember: Cyclops is the leader of the X-Men now!


	11. Must Be Cyclops

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff! My friend wrote this positive Cyclops song…

Must be Cyclops!

(Tune of Must be Santa!)

Who's that ripped guy leading the team?  
_Cyclops is ripped and leading the team._  
Who kicks ass with optical beams?  
_Cyclops kicks ass with optical beams._

Leading the team, optical beams...  
Must be Cyclops, must be Cyclops,  
Must be Cyclops, Cyclops rocks!

Who wears glasses that are ruby red?  
_Cyclops wears glasses that are ruby red._  
Who plans strategy and uses his head?  
_Cyclops plans strategy and uses his head._

Glasses are red, uses his head,  
Leading the team, optical beams...  
Must be Cyclops, must be Cyclops,  
Must be Cyclops, Cyclops rocks!

Who's the husband of good ol' Jean?  
_Cyclops is the husband of good ol' Jean._  
Who has the highest grade average you've ever seen?  
_Cyclops has the highest grade average you've ever seen._

Grade ever seen, husband of Jean,  
Glasses are red, uses his head,  
Leading the team, optical beams...  
Must be Cyclops, must be Cyclops,  
Must be Cyclops, Cyclops rocks!

Who literally OWNS Mr. Sinister?  
_Cyclops literally OWNS Mr. Sinister._  
Who's an awesome pilot and a great listener?  
_Cyclops is an awesome guy and a great listener._

Great listener, owns Sinister,  
Grade ever seen, husband of Jean,  
Glasses are red, uses his head,  
Leading the team, optical beams...  
Must be Cyclops, must be Cyclops,  
Must be Cyclops, Cyclops rocks!

Wolverine, Gambit, Iceman, Jubilee,  
_Nightcrawler, Angel, Colossus, Banshee._  
Shadowcat, Rouge, Morph, Professor X,  
_Beast, Storm, Magma, and Dark Phoenix._

Great listener, owns Sinister,  
Grade ever seen, husband of Jean,  
Glasses are red, uses his head,  
Leading the team, optical beams...  
Must be Cyclops, must be Cyclops,  
Must be Cyclops, Cyclops rocks!


	12. All I want For Christmas Is my Memories

Disclaimer: I don't own X-men or All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth. A Logan Song! We haven't gone over to the Dark Side, I swear!

My friend wrote this one…

All I want for Christmas!

Wolverine Remix

(Sung to All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth!)

Every body stops

and stares at me

These claws are

adamantium as you can see

I don't know just who

to blame for this catastrophe!

But my one wish on Christmas Eve

is as plain as it can be!

All I want for Christmas

is my memories,

my memories,

to recall my memories!

Damn, if I could only

have my memories,

then I could maybe

Be a nicer guy

It seems so flamin' long since I could remember,

"My birthday...or my entire freakin' name for that matter!"

Can't yah see, how happy I'd be,

if I could only (A/N: if you don't want to separate these words on your own, I have it at the bottom of the page) getdamnsummersouttathewaysoIcouldhavejeanbecausewehavehotbackofthexjetsexallthetimebehindyourbackandshelikesitandyouknowitshappeningyetyousitonyourassanddonothingyeahgoodgoingfearlessleadershedontwantawetblanketlikeyoushewantsmeeversinceIshowedupshewantedmebutbothofyaharetochickentoadmititsojeanandigoatitandyousitintheflamincornerandbitchwithoutactionwaytofreakinggotheonlyreasonshesayswithyouiscauseshehasabigheartandknowsyoullkeeloverwithoutanicelittlesecurityblanketwife/girlfriendtoclingtowhenyoudosomethingwrongorcauseyoucantdoanythingbyyourflaminselfgoodthingyouhavemorethanonewomantolatchontoincaseonegoesabsentcoughemmacoughohandbythewaywhenjeandiesyoucouldatleastwaitayearorsoinrespectbeforefindingsomeoneelsenotamonthandthenfindingthenexthotthingontheblockyouvecompletelyruinedwhateveritisyouhadyoushatterjeansmemoryisntitintrestingthatwhileyourebangingemmaintheofficeimtheonewhovisitsjeansgraveannuallyandleavesflowershuhwonderwhythatisthereforeihateyou.(or) shank Cyclops! SNIKT!

All I want for Christmas

is my memories,

my memories,

to recall memories.

Damn, if I could only

have my memories,

then I could maybe

become a nicer guy.

Kay, here's the paragraph-thingie…

Get damn summers outta the way so I could have jean because we have hot back of the X-jet sex all the time behind your back and she likes it and you know its happening yet you sit on your ass and do nothing yeah good going fearless leader she don't want a wet blanket like you she wants me ever since I showed up she wanted me but both of yah are to chicken to admit it so jean and I go at it and you sit in the flaming corner and bitch without action way to freaking go the only reason she stays with you is cause she has a big heart and knows you'll keel over without a nice little security blanket/wife/girlfriend to cling to when you do something wrong or cause you cant do anything by your flaming self good thing you have more than one woman to latch on to in case one goes absent coughemmacough oh and by the way when jean dies you could at least wait a year or so in respect before finding someone else not a month and then finding the next hot thing on the block you've completely ruined whatever it is you had you shatter jeans memory isn't it intresting that while youre banging emma in the office im the one who visits jeans grave annually and leaves flowers huh wonder why that is therefore I hate you.(or) shank Cyclops! SNIKT!


	13. The Danger Room

Disclaimer: Don't own this stuff! I figured that I should dedicate a song to the coolest room in the X-Mansion, so here it is!

The Danger room

(Sung to carol of the bells)

The Danger Room

Is really cool

Where X-Men train

Every day

There're robots to kill

Get some more skill

Lazers and crap

Dodge 'em or get zapped

Cyclops is yellin'

Orders but people don't care

Gambit is blowing stuff up

Wolverine is slicing things that get in his way

Kurt is bamfing every which way

Children they fight

All day all night

Powers are used

Robots are loosed

Upon them all

All will fall

The Brotherhood's here

Scream in fear

A buttload of holograms

That seem real 'cuz

Shi'iar technology is cool

Damn it's cold 'cuz iceman's freezing things

All of the X-men and students train in

The

Dan-

Ger

Room (repeat "the danger room" like Ding dong ding dong, etc…)


	14. Grab Yourself a really Sexy XMan

Disclaimer: I don't own this stuff…but I own my Gambit action figure I bought! glomps it My friend wrote this one, for all of the fangirls! (I call Gambit! ) Merry Christmas to all! Happy holidays to people who don't celebrate Christmas!

**Grab Yourself A Really Sexy X-man**

**(Sung to Have Yourself as Merry Little Christmas)**

**For the X-men Fangirls**

Grab yourself a really sexy X-man,

Hug them awfully tight

From now on,

You can glomp them with all your might

Grab yourself a really sexy X-man,

Do with them what you may,

Don't worry girls,

the police will be miles away.

Here we are as in our fanfics,

happy writing days of yore.

Now we have them to squeeze and love

They're everything we dreamed and more!

Through the years we all will be together

If we can avoid the cops

Hope and pray our fandom never ever stops!

And grab yourself a really sexy x-man now.


	15. O Nightcrawler

Disclaimer: Yeah…it isn't the holiday season anymore…but here's one last Christmas song for now, written by my friend. I don't own X-men or O Tannenbaum. Just to let you know, I'm starting up a story with all of our other songs that aren't Christmas songs…if you're wanting to check that out.

**O Nightcrawler****  
**(Sung to the tune of O Tannenbaum)  
A nice German song for a nice German elf.

O Nightcrawler, O Nightcrawler,  
You are so blue and fuzzy.  
O Nightcrawler, O Nightcrawler,  
You are so blue and fuzzy.  
The room lights up when you are here  
Plus you supply us hard German beer.  
O Nightcrawler, O Nightcrawler,  
You are so blue and fuzzy.

O Nightcrawler, O Nightcrawler,  
You are a gentle preacher.  
O Nightcrawler, O Nightcralwer,  
You are a gentle preacher.  
You straiten my path with so much ease,  
Your fuzziness I must hug and squeeze.  
O Nightcrawler, O Nightcrawler,  
You are a gentle preacher


End file.
